If only...

Its sunday today.

Went swimming at 8 plus with gen.

Its been a long time since i went swimming and it feels quite great actually.

and home again I am.

Elton's working.

If only he has time, he could bring me around for a walk.

I know that if he have the time, he would bring me around but sometimes he is just too tired to do so.

What am i suppose to do.

Be contended.

:(

He have to work outdoors for long hours and being his super inconsiderate gf, i always complain to him about not bringing me out.

I am so bored at home.

I tried to play the piano, i tried listening to music.

But time passes so slowly.

All i do is wait for him to reach home and give me a call to inform me he have reach home safely.

We used to meet up to five times a week.

and gradually twice.

and now.

once.

Maybe we don't even meet up the next time?

I am so afraid that our distance will become further and further.

I love him and i hope he could really understand sometimes why i get angry with him.

I remember once i told him that i would use my money to buy his time and when i think back, i found it really childish and insulting.

But sometimes i just need a little more of his time.

A little more care and concern.

Sometimes i am so sure that he is the one for me for the rest of my life, sometimes i live in doubt.

I don't really know the reality anymore.

I need to find a place where i can breath freely.

i want to be happy.

just like how i use to be.

i don't know how long can i keep this fake smile.

.

.

i have found someone i cannot live without.

but can i keep him by my side forever?

.

.

i really need a break.

a break from this cruelty world.

where everybody's smile or laughter might be fake.

where the truth is often not what we see.

trust is not meant to be found or given.

even a friend might be smiling with you one day, and not be friends with you the next day.

Life is so fake.

.

.

I think at the moment, syl is the only person who could fully understand me.

Its so hard to find a person who could really stick through with you thick and thin and she did.

We could really talk about anything under the sun without restraint.

and seriously i love her a lot.

I hope we stay like this throughout the entire life.

Friendship is indeed easier to keep then a relationship.

i love you,syl and i always do!

.

.

.

where do angels go.