One year has passed, how is life in heaven?
Are all the angels in heaven beautiful?
When you first went away, nobody could accept the fact. Including me.
How could God be so cruel to take away somebody that i love that much.
Somebody that meant the whole world to me.
Somebody that i am with for the pass 19 years of my life.
Somebody that i see everyday.
I force myself to sleep, sleep as long as i can.
Hoping that after i wake up, everything would be a dream.
Hopping that everything was not real.
But after every many tries, i realised.
It was for real.
Nothing could change the fact.
Nothing could change the fact that God took you away from me.
Just like that.
I realise no matter how much tears we cried, we couldn't bring you back.
No matter how much we miss you, you still lie there. silently.
I saw you struggling and fighting hard to win the battle.
I knew you fought very hard.
But God was too strong for you.
I knew you didn't want to leave us.
But again, God was too strong for you.
I saw your motionless body, there in the coffin.
I couldn't hold my tears.
I didn't want to accept the fact, the fact that you left.
I wanted to shout, wanted to die with you, wanted to hold your hands.
But i didn't do anything, i just stood there.
Stood there crying.
My fear of losing you was so intense, i didn't care about any other things.
Your fragile body, weak smile made everybody cried.
Cry like little babies.
Cry like idiots.
Its the love you gave us, that made us so sad.
Because we know its not going to be there anymore.
I hope time can make me forget, forget the hurt.
But i was wrong.
Time can only heal a little wound.
Not a big wound, not a deep wound.
The scar you left, will never be erase.
Can never be erase.
I miss your scolding,
I miss your nagging
I miss the porridge you made,
I miss the milo you made.
I MISS YOUR LOVE.
The times when i cuddle beside you to sleep.
The times when we ate night snack secretly in the kitchen.
The times when we watch tv until 2 am in the morning
The times where i snatch phone calls with you.
Even though sometimes we quarrel over small things,
I knew you was never angry with me.
Your love overcome the anger in your heart.
When Elton carried your coffin, he told me that it felt very light.
Its not because you were skinny, its because you felt that we have all grown up and you could leave in peace.
I believe.
I hope.
I have learn to grow stronger without you this one year.
Its been really tough but i will learn.
I will be the brave girl that i always am.
Although i have to spend all the festival without you this year, I know you are watching over us in heaven.
Please bless us from heaven.
Let everybody be as happy as you in heaven.
Esp your sister and my Dad.
They have acted so strong in front of everybody. But i know the wound is still so fresh in their heart.
Their tears never stop falling.
Their heart never stop aching.
You have made the strongest man teared.
Made the bravest women go weak.
Made a child grow up.
You are the greatest women god ever gave to me.
But he took it away.
Your willpower to fight will always be in my mind.
Your courageous to face reality make me grow up.
I am not the little girl anymore.
I never blame you for leaving us because i know you didn't have choice.
God wanted to have a piece of you, because you were too beautiful.
Too wonderful.
I hope God is looking after you, showering you with lots of love.
Enjoying life everyday?
Please don't forget us even though heaven is way nicer.
Please come back to visit us if you have time.
Everybody here misses you.
Once again, thanks for the love you have given to me.
I can never forget those wonderful memories.
Never forget you.
Your smile, Your laughter is engrave in my heart.
Please be happy, always.
I love you.
Your granddaughter.
5/5/08
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